IF I ASK


If I ask, you will explain me something about the weather, something about the food you ate last night, about the new cloth you have. If I ask, you will wait a positive reaction, although I may not have one; although maybe I really don’t want to ask.

But if I do, if I ask, I want painful answers. I want to see your soul, how it breaks while you remember, how it heals. I want real feelings. I want you to turn a wave and I want to be the rock that receives the image, the impact, the feeling. I want to swim through your mind, I want you to feel safe around my questions, but I want you to respond with honesty, and honesty is heavy for our souls.

And the most probably is that, in the end of the day, I will know about you all the things that construct you like a person, but I will continue being unknown for you, because you don’t like asking, you like to talk about yourself, and I have confused feelings about it.

I have them because I like to listen to you; I like to be more near to you through your words, through your thoughts; and I have them, that mixed feelings, because it’s a lesson to me to listen the way I’m learning listening to you.

Someday, maybe with me, or maybe not, you will want to listen without thinking that you are asking, if that makes any sense. Someday, you will realize that the world is not asking you anything, that we are; the world is not searching for your answers. The world knows them. And it’s you who have to ask, and be wrong, and feel frustrated, and want more, and look for love, and find pain, and lose, and create light from inside your brain.

If I ask, you will talk me about your passions, about the way you have to transmit desire; to transmit that shaker in your fingers when something goes right.

I always thought that is easier talk about us with strangers, that they are good listeners. I don’t know if I’m a good listener, and I don’t know if I’m a stranger anymore. But I had always being a person who speaks her truth. And my truth now is the lesson of listen, to keep my memories to myself and open up with people that really want to know me.

But, in the same time, I don’t fucking know nothing about nothing. And it’s wonderful anyway, because I have all my life to discovery it. I have all my life to learn to listen, and I have all my life to speak lauder my truth, which is shared for countless souls. I have all my life until I don’t have it, but, that’s another story.

Because, this life that I chose every day, is about going to bed knowing something new every day. So… I listen to you. Would we go for a coffee now? 






p.s.: the grammar will be better 


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